Archive | July, 2016

Angsty Mum! Firsts

25 Jul

I haven’t blogged in a while as I have been busy having babies. This has been particularly life changing as one would imagine. I’ve gained 4 and a half stone TWICE, I have slept less than I did when I partied constantly, I have eaten more pork pies than most people have eaten in a life time and I haven’t fitted into a pair of designer jeans in nearly 3 years. However, I am probably the most comfortable I have ever been. It is crazy to think that I used to go into meltdown when I gained a pound, if I had to leave the house in an outfit that made me feel fat or if I thought I looked too boring and now I will happily walk down the street with someone else’s sick on my back. I have complete responsibility over the life of two other people which is quite surprising when I am the sort of person who would wake up fully clothed under a radiator that was 4 feet from my bed. I couldn’t get myself to bed but now I am charged with getting two incredibly resistant, tiny women to stay asleep.

I don’t do this alone, I do it with the help of my long suffering husband. Once upon a time he used to have to lock me in and hide the key in a suitcase when I was drunk and unruly so I didn’t run off and now he has to talk me through why I am not a terrible person because I called the oldest child an idiot when she deliberately trod in dog poo (no one came out of that well)

This weekend was the first time I had properly drunk since I fell pregnant with our youngest. A whole 14 months of moderation/abstinence. I’d forgotten who drunk me was and my word she’s a drag (imagine patsy from Ab Fab but with more crying) We spent the day in the sun at a food festival and I hadn’t drunk as I was driving. Whether it was the heat or the simmering resentment of watching other people doing what Brits do best-getting carried away because the sun has been out for 2 minutes-I decided Prosecco when I got home was the answer. I also realised that I couldn’t turn up to the BBQ we were going to that night with an open bottle of wine so I’d have to buy another. Then I drank them both. I am definitely less terrified about being drunk when the kids are in bed. I’ve got over my fear that I might drop one down the stairs or out a window if they wake up in the night but I have not managed to over come the fear I get the next day that I may have in some way let them down by being a drunkard. Basically the more children I have, the more people I am creating to stand in judgement of me. I am pretty sure that my 4 month old doesn’t care that her mother is sweaty, anxious and bloated due to her hangover or that I spent a lot of time drunkenly describing why I hate Nigel Farage to people I barely know but you can never be too sure.