A Letter

8 Apr

I haven’t written a blog since before Christmas, in the last few weeks a few things have happened and I wanted to share something. I will set the context first. I suffer from anxiety and have for a year or so and I am starting to get better and this has caused a lot of problems with my dad as the past has a lot to do with the way I feel at the moment. I had an argument with my Dad, sort of, over Easter. It was the last and biggest in a long line of issues that have caused many spells of not speaking. I haven’t seen him or been in contact in any way since so I wrote him a letter to tell him how I felt about the things that have happened in the past 15 years that have led us to where we are today. When I read it back I realised that the things I had spoken about in the letter to my father were about me and the pressures I have put on myself as much as they were about him. I found it very therapeutic so I wrote a letter to myself too.

I decided to share it with all of you because most things written in the media for men and women is designed to make us feel bad so that we will go and buy the products that will ‘cure’ our ills. We are too fat, buy the diet pills. We are not fabulous enough, buy the bag. We are too old, buy the wrinkle cream. It has taken me a long time to realise that in reality you don’t need anything. Success and happiness are relative. I have stopped reading the paper and magazines at recommendation of my shrink and I have started paying attention to real life.  

Bare in mind that I may not believe everything I write in this letter but I do my best to read it often and take it on board. I hope it might have some affect on your life. Be kind to yourself.

To You,

Life is very hard at the moment, you are stuck between the comfortable misery that used to be life and moving forward to getting better. It seems super difficult and confusing right now because part of you wants to stay in the familiar drives and expectations of people that you have become used to. But the other part, the strong and clever part would like to step into the future where it is OK to be you. Who has the right to put boundaries on who you are and what is right or wrong. 

Things to remember are:

You are a nice person, apart from some petty theft in the past, you have never done anything that would be considered bad. You care about people, you work hard and even if you don’t you are not a bad person. You are still valuable and sometimes you need to realise this and put yourself first. You are important and just as important as everyone else. Stop putting their needs before yours. 

Also, some people are not very nice-this may be because of their own history but you must accept that this is the case because it will make life more kind and contented to understand that no matter how nice you are some people will never return the favour. If you are able to see this then you will be able to to forgive people from the past and stop trying to please these people. If they don’t consider you to be their equal then that is their prerogative not yours. Always remember this; your opinions are valuable.Everything is actually fine no matter how overwhelming it seems. 

These things are truths:

  • Your family love you
  • You have a home
  • You have a brain, strength, bravery and spirit
  • You are funny and fun
  • Your other half loves you as much as you love him
  • life’s little surprises are to be enjoyed-being a victim will only make you more susceptible to catastrophe
  • You will not end up penniless or homeless. No matter what happens life will end up working out
  • The worst has already happened and you coped brilliantly
  • Success is personal, as long as you feel your life is successful it is unnecessary to compare it to others. No matter how rich, thin, funny, talented you are there will always be someone to be jealous of.
  • Jealousy will not make you happier. Being content with who you are and what you have will leave room for you to grow and to see the opportunities available.

Finally

  • You are capable and beautiful.
  • A size 10 is not fat! Eating is fun and should be enjoyed, don’t feel guilty!

 

Everything, EVERYTHING is within your control and capability

Lots of love You.xxx 

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