Archive | December, 2012

Love, Lies and Eastern Europeans; A Practical Guide to Romance

6 Dec

My first trip to Liverpool

I am still relatively new to the area where I live (2 years and a few weeks) I love this city but I came here by accident really. If you believe in fate then that could be held accountable I suppose. Moving here was potentially the most stupid thing I have ever done.
I met a man in Brighton we became friends and then he moved back home to Liverpool. Within 3 months I had started a long distance relationship, ditched my job and my flat and the life I had made for myself, eventually moving 300 miles to a city I had only visited a handful of times to move in with this person. It all seems impulsive and romantic but in reality it could have blown up in my face and left me jobless and homeless, full of regrets. I would never advise somebody to do it because there are very few success stories in this category. The best advice I would give anyone considering a similar move is so far from romance it is ridiculous. Remain sensible. This is laughable given the context but when it comes to any relationship you have to tell your emotions to just shut up for a second. Being sensible is not sexy or alluring but it is a bloody good way to protect yourself. I had to brush away all the Hollywood ideals I had about love and romance and decide that in reality life can be a lot less shiny. Despite being bombarded by ‘reality’ tv as a western society we are so willing to believe the rubbish we see in books and films. The success of Twilight is a great example of the nonsense we will devour. Why do we do it? Because we are hopeful and because at the moment Great Britain ain’t so great so we throw ourselves into a world where everybody is beautiful and love conquers all. This is preferable it would seem to a world where everybody is poor and depression conquers all.

A year before moving I had been well and truly screwed over by a boyfriend. It wasn’t what he did to me it was what I allowed to happen. I am sorry to tell you this but in relationships we allow a lot of things to happen to us, not necessarily consciously but we let people treat us a certain way based on how we feel about ourselves and the preconceptions we have about relationships. When I look back at the sort of shit I let him get away with I am astonished. He lied, outrageous and unbelievable lies in order to see his ex girlfriend. I once believed that he had been held captive by a group of Eastern Europeans in a house not far from his flat (I KNOW!!!!) He claimed they hadn’t taken his phone or IPod because they were too old and that they had let him go because it was ‘nearly christmas’

I believed that. I also believed that he went to band practice every week despite the fact that he couldn’t sing or play an instrument and that a few condoms went missing every now and again because he carried them on his person just in case he and I got carried away. We never did.

My mind is blown that I was cool and unquestioning of these things, even when he let me borrow his phone and I saw hundreds of messages from one girl I still didn’t twig. The heart is a blind and insanely loyal creature if you allow it to be. Nobody wants to get hurt and we are very good at putting our blinkers on to prevent that.

So when I moved to Liverpool on a whim I left my rose tinted glasses at home and took a practical approach. I paid the deposit on our flat so that if we broke up I had a little financial security, we got two bedrooms in case it didn’t work out we could still live as friends. I made sure I went out and met people so that I would have a support network that didn’t involve his friends. It all seems very morbid and negative but I still do it today. Our finances are combined and he pays the rent whilst I pay the living expenses but anything more long term like credit cards or overdrafts are kept separate because I don’t believe he should be saddled with my debt if we split up and vice versa. Luckily we are very happy and settled. He has been an amazing influence on my life and moving to Liverpool kick started my modelling career again. I haven’t had to use any of the precautions I set up upon my arrival which is great but I have to say that it takes the pressure off. I am secure in the knowledge that we are in it for the long term (we have a dog that will live until we are 40) but I am also aware that if it all goes tits up I have a back up plan. It’s hardly ‘Casablanca’ but I always thought Rick was a bit of knob for letting Elsa mess him about like that anyway.